We have a lot of people asking us if we plan to stay longer. In all honesty, given how hard it is for the girls to learn French, it really makes sense to stay another year to solidify the language. That being said, we are planning to come home this summer. We feel incredible gratitude for having this year abroad but we love Seattle and we don’t think the French school system is a long term fit for our kids.
When we first thought about moving to France we spent a lot of time talking to other expats. We know two Seattle families in the south of France, who’s children are thriving in the French school system. All of them said their kids struggled to learn the language but after a few months they were off and running. While the language took time, the kids integrated rather quickly and were happy. This has not been the case for our children. They are making the best of their school experience, but they also can’t wait to go home.
In our experience, the age of your kids makes a big difference. Chloe came to France for 5th grade (10 years old). At the end of her 4th grade year in Seattle, Chloe had a close group of friends. As kids get older, especially girls, friendships are more complex. Imagine being in an new country, 4 months in, and still be struggling to have a basic conversation. Both girls can understand a lot of French, but they can’t tell their friends what they received for Christmas, they can’t play complex games or even describe the books they are reading. For a kid like Chloe, who reads several books a week, her friendships are more cerebral. It is hard to not feel lonely when you can’t express yourself. As a result, the pull home is more intense because the friendships are more established. We know this will change by the end of the year but had we come a year earlier, it would have been a whole lot easier for Chloe. She would have had 2 years of primary school to solidify the French language before entering middle school.
We also find the French school system to be very inflexible. Chloe did a great blog post about what she thinks are the big differences between the US and French school system: https://chloeinaix.wordpress.com/ At our new school, Chloe’s teacher is also the school director. He teaches Monday to Thursday and spends Friday running the administrative functions of the school. As a result, there is a different teacher on Friday. While Chloe’s primary teacher is kind, nurturing and enthusiastic, the Friday teacher is very firm. A few weeks ago, the Friday teacher examined Chloe’s school folder. Chloe made a few small mistakes on each page, which is no surprise given her language abilities. They do not use pencils and the pens do not erase so cross outs are the only option for corrections. It is important to note that it takes Chloe much longer than other kids to write the assignments given everything is in French. She has the same work as other kids in her grade. The Friday teacher looked over her work, was not pleased with the handful of small mistakes and ripped out every page in her notebook and told her to start over. Chloe wasn’t the only one. The teacher sent a clear message about the quality bar but also that mistakes are not tolerated. I would like to say this is an anomaly but Josie came home this week to report a similar experience. Her regular teacher is out for 2 weeks so she has an assortment of substitutes. During an art lesson this week a boy in Josie’s class had difficulty with a drawing. Josie said the boy was doing his best but he was struggling with the assignment. The teacher ripped up his drawing 3 times, each time telling the boy to start over. Needless to say the boy cried in class. I asked Josie what she thought about it and she said, “they don’t want you to make mistakes”. It is too bad that even in a class like art, “mistakes” are not tolerated.
When I think back to our experience about Laurelhurst Elementary, what I miss most is the project based learning and individualized teaching. In Seattle, Josie’s 2nd grade class had 3 different math groups, 4 different spelling groups, reading circles, writer workshops, etc. The school experience in Seattle is more collaborative and the teaching style is more inclusive and nurturing. It also teaches children how to work together, and how to recognize and appreciate people’s innate strengths and weaknesses. If kids are struggling, parent volunteers and tutors work one on one with kids to bring them up to grade level.
In France, there is a lot of memorization. Everyone has the same work, regardless of your level or ability. If your kid is highly capable, the only option is to skip a grade. There appears to be no APP or Spectrum programs. If you kid is below grade level, by the end of middle school you are quickly tracked to vocational training. When you get to middle school, it is not uncommon to have the grades read out loud. It fosters competition and motivates the capable and shames those who are struggling to be at grade level. I have spoken at length with French people about the school system here. They say it works very well if your kid “fits the box”. The bar is high and the capable rise to the standard. If they don’t fit the box, it is very very difficult.
Marc and I discussed these differences at length. He believes that the people in France are no more or less intelligent or capable than those in the United States, but that there are important cultural differences which cause the experience of living and learning to be different here. People are generally very competitive. This is reflected in the school system (see above), as well as in the way people interact with you, drive and socialize. There’s a general sense that people are in it for themselves. Community and collaboration is less of an emphasis in France. You’re just supposed to do it all on your own.
This competitive nature also manifests itself in customer service (you should be able to figure it out on your own), how people respond when you ask for help (It’s not my job), and in how people respond to new ideas (No, it’s not possible). It’s important to note that these responses are initial reactions. Underneath the initial rejection of a new idea is a willingness to help, because fundamentally everyone knows this mentality is limiting. It’s also why bureaucrats are so powerful. They have the ability to stop things dead in their tracks, or can usually engineer a solution if you’re lucky enough to get their help.
This is a cultural thing – It’s a way people relate to the world. It’s not ultimately limiting, as people push past these barriers everyday, but it creates a tone and perspective in how problems are approached and solved. For us, as Americans these attitudes are a little alien. We come from the “Yes we can!” culture. We believe we can do anything and that we face no limits. If we can imagine a better world, we can make it. We like to collaborate to make it happen. We like to help others. In some ways we’re just as competitive as the French (or even more so), but we’re also not afraid to share our victories and gains with others.
Fundamentally, this is the reason why we’d return to the US. It’s a difference in perspective and a different way to approach problems. It’s about giving our kids a set of tools and values which reflect our own. Ones which we feel are more positive and will ultimately yield better results for them.
At the end of the day we all end up in the same place. We were speaking with Fouad about cultural differences, and we shared a laugh when we compared France, the US and Morocco.
In France everything is impossible at first, and then becomes possible when you show you’re serious about doing it.
In the US everything is possible right away, but only a few people do things, so you don’t take them too seriously at first.
In Morocco, everything is possible if God wills it, but it turns out that God isn’t always paying attention and has better things to do.
It’s all in how you want to approach things…
A link for your viewing pleasure:
Our Year in Aix-en-Provence 
